here’s my secret:

i’m getting a degree in something I don’t give a shit about. 

i don’t care about publishing. Not one bit. I don’t want to copyedit. I don’t want to create author-editor relationships. I don’t want to have bullshit small-talk with my coworkers or form groups to tackle small projects. I don’t want to be a professional. Putting out books and magazines would be cool, but I don’t have the ambition or drive to “sell” myself or anything to an employer/customer. I’m an ok writer, nothing more. I feel awkward editing someone else’s work to the point where I’d just rather not do it. I’m wasting my professors’ and classmates’ time by pretending to care even a little bit. All I want to do is play in bands I think are good, tour, see awesome shows, etc. I don’t care what kind of job I have as long as it doesn’t suck. Lately, I’ve been doing all of that and been happy with it to the point where school feels pointless. The only reason I’m doing this in the first place is because it made my family happy. I’m going to finish since I’m so close to the end but I can’t wait to be done with this shit because I feel so fake going into these classes, pretending to be something I’m not. 

I’m not sad, mad, disillusioned, jaded, or anything like that though. Like I said, I’m pretty happy with my life right now. Even though I think my degree is wasted on me, I’m glad I went to college just for everything I’ve experienced. But this is just a realization I’ve had recently, something that was brought out of my looming graduation. I just needed to get this out somewhere, since I sure as hell can’t tell my mom. that’s all.